Have Some Green Beans With That

I seriously have a lot of green beans left. Take some!

A look at yesterday's snow:

Today is sunny and we're above freezing. So, my knees aren't so creaky. Thank goodness. My poor old kitty was creaky yesterday, too. Sometimes my Makayla's back leg bothers her. She's so sweet, especially when she's sleepy. She's so pampered and spoiled, just like she deserves.

I'm now going to share what I hate most about workouts:

I'm done, I'm sweaty, a bit drained, I have to pee and the damn drawstring on my sweatpants is in a stubborn knot. I just hate that.

Yup, that's it. That's what I hate most about exercise.

I have to admit I am not a big fan of straight up exercise either. I confess to needing more fun than that. I don' think that's a bad thing. Sometimes I use my imagination to make it more fun. For instance, when doing aerobics I pretend I'm auditioning for a show. If I want to be in the show, I better do good. LOL My uncoordinated self would never make it, but it helps me to keep my energy up. Sometimes I pretend I'm skiing, or swimming in the ocean. Whatever. Creativity can help you through your workout.

I just finished Richard Simmons. He's mega fun. I heart him. Today I feel like Christmas is gone. I feel normal even with hormones dealing me a whammy. Thank the Universe. All that sugar and bloating made me sluggish even though I was extra motivated to hit the workouts with energy. Made workouts tougher. But, they paid off already. Yaay!

So to finish up: what is it that I hate most about my food plan?

I hate that I'm stupid enough to test its limits once in awhile. My body is unforgiving. I pack on weight really easily. One misstep is a pass. Two starts packing onto my thighs. I'm really not exaggerating. If I eat cookies [we're saying a reasonable amount like 2] two days in a row I will start to gain weight. So, I hate when I stray. I hate that feeling.

I like how good I feel when I eat healthy. These days that's incentive enough for me. I'm not missing anything but headaches, bloat, weight-gain, sluggishness, sugar crashes, nausea, etc ... I honestly enjoy life more without those things. I'm even tired of eating meat. Can't wait to go back to a veggie entree tonight. An improvised pho with tofu. Mmmm. I've missed tofu.

I am making a party tomorrow night. My parties are in place of dinner. So, it's not food on top of dinner. I get toasted on 1/2 a drink, so I'm a cheap date these days. I can't stand to go past that point these days. So, I don't. That's just with 1/2 a shot of vodka in my drink, too. I don't like more than that.

Boy, that's been a lot of changing. None of that would I have said and meant 4 years ago. It's been almost 4 years I've been at the healthy gig. I guarantee that if you find a way to look at what you're doing in a positive light and truly convince yourself that you're not missing out on anything and that you are lucky to have a choice, that you will find it all a lot easier. It makes sticking to healthier choices easier and easier and easier. That doesn't mean I still don't eat too much sometimes. I definitely did over Christmas. I am less tempted to do so for the New Year. In fact, I'm eager to go the other way and stick to my usual routine.

Since Friday is a holiday, tomorrow is my errand day.

I sincerely wish you all a spectacular and fantastic 2010 filled with dreams, achievements, love and passion. I wish you all to become lit up and find life amazing. I wish you all to learn to be good to yourselves.

With that said, let's send some good thoughts out to a friend who was rushed to the hospital in Portland today. He has to have emergency eye surgery and is in danger of becoming blind. I can not imagine how awful he must feel and how scared. My most heartfelt wishes to your complete recovery, Nick. That has to be the scariest eye doctor appointment ever.

Sunshine on Top

Today's post is inspired by the scene out my window this morning. The brilliant sunlight kissing the tops of the trees. Very ethereal and beautiful.

Like the trees in the pic, we sometimes become burdened. Weighted down. Whether we ate too much sugar, salt, fat, just plain crap food that is now glomming onto us like the frost on the trees, like the peak of sunlight, there is hope.

We all know what we need to do and we all know that if we get back at it, the holiday damage will be undone. So, hold onto that ray of sunshine while waddling through the side effects of too much sugar, salt, fat and just plain crap.

What sugar does is really funky. I hadn't realized how little sugar I eat these days. A few holiday treats had me feeling positively ill. Than an hour later I would crash. I wouldn't be able to stay awake as the spike in blood sugar took its toll. Nasty.

The ray of sun is, for the upcoming holiday I have a desire to scale it waaaay back. I'll keep on with my healthy food plan, but I'm not cooking near as much. No way. I'll make my usual new years pork loin stuffed with fennel, but we will limit the side dishes to a normal dinner. Then I think I would prefer to stick to my normal Skinny Cow for dessert. And an apple.

So, the other ray of sunlight is, I have a new appreciation of what eating right does for me. I feel so much better when I eat well - physically, mentally and emotionally. I can really see a difference this year from just a few treats. I did not eat a lot of bad stuff. I did not overly eat. I just at more that I normally don't. And, I don't like how it made me feel.

Another ray of sun is, it makes me hit those workouts all the harder. Well, as hard as I can. The cold, snowy weather has my knees all creaky. Yeah, even with sweats on. Especially the left one. I sprained that once upon a time. Here's a blast from the past. Here's proof. I was in the middle of Weight Watchers, too. Although I finished losing the weight on my own, I never went back. I had an odd need for sugar and lots of it at the time. Odd, because I never have liked a lot of sugar. It has always made me feel nauseous. Other folks with injuries mentioned the same craving. I wonder if sugar somehow helps us heal ... in reasonable quantities. I know honey has some healing properties.

I didn't see the point of weighing-in, in a cast and on crutches. I obviously could not really workout. I was going to physical therapy 4x a week. I did a lot of leg lifts. Hmmm. That was almost 19 years ago. My nephew was born that month. Three months later I met my husband. I was showing off a stupid human trick for my friends - how I could now fully bend my knee. He kept staring at me. Then he came over to talk to my friend. They had a friend in common. But, he kept staring at me. The little minx. He succored me in with that staring. I had not realized the nexus of the sprained knee before. But obviously it was a nexus point in my life. I was getting ready for a ski trip to Utah. I never made it. It was to be my first trip out west and I was excited. Never did I realize that I'd be living in the west about 10 years later. I love living in the west. I'm so glad we moved here.

I was just speaking to my nephew last week. He's in college now. That seems unreal. He was razzing me because Pine Mountain Observatory [where I work in the summers] is part of the Universitiy of Oregon and he is enrolled at Ohio State. Ducks vs. Bucks in the Rose Bowl. Gone are the days of taking him to the Smithsonian to see the dinosaur bones. That's when we lived in the DC area. Hmmm, I got sidetracked.

I did up my weight for the arms in strength training to 5 lbs. It seems to be going all right. I'm not having any problems thus far. I'll keep it up for 2 more weeks with spot on A-perfect form, then I'll move up to 6 pounds. If I'm patient, I should be able to get myself back up to where I was before the right arm started acting up and I had to stop. After that, my stupidity strained the shoulder. Yes, the right one. So, now I'm working my way back up and trying to be smarter about it all. The other day I wacked my shoulder real good on the banister. Big ol' bruise. Ow! Of course it was the right shoulder. I'm beginning to think the right arm picked up a curse somewhere.

All right. I think I'll quit yapping now and get to reading your blogs. I'm going to make some chicken for dinner tonight. We're both tired of ham. There's not much left of that. There's still a lot of the side dishes left. So, I only need to make the chicken and heat up the rest.

It's so dark right now. Oh, it's snowing again. Guess that explains the creaky joints as well as the lack of daylight.

The Best Gifts

How are you all doing? Did you navigate through the holiday with minimal damage? More importantly, did you have a nice time with your family and friends?


I tortured mine with healthy feasts. A party on Christmas Eve. Sliced radish, cucumber, carrot chips, lettuce, endive, soy chicken strips & salsa verde. Seafood crepes from Trader Joes. Crackers. Veggie pate [Whole Foods], eggplant hummus [Trader joes - mmm], marinated mushrooms, jalapeno stuffed olives, pepper almond cheese, cherry peppers. Easy to go vegetarian. Vegan even. No carb, too. Could use the veggies for spreads and stacking instead of the crackers. No one went hungry. It was probably my best party yet. :) Served with Wildfluffysheep's Blood - unfiltered, unsweetened, organic apple juice, vodka & grenadine.




Christmas dinner was great, too. I made a pie for Husband. I didn't eat any of it. With the ham were lots of veggie side dishes. Herbed green beans, roasted brussel sprouts, roasted beets and carrots, mashed potato & cauliflower baked, spinach & beet greens casserole, ham & currant-horseradish sauce. No need to feel deprived.

So even though we were eating healthy, I still feel as if I ate too much. Been hitting the workouts so that the indulgences don't stick.

We had this weird freezing fog on Christmas and the day after. Some pics:

Husband gave me a Dirty Dancing workout dvd. I could not follow it at all. I have no dance skills though. I mostly stared at it. When I'd start to try to do the move, they'd be on to the next thing. The instruction was really lacking. I think I will stick to Richard Simmons and my other dance aerobics. Even on those there are moves I still don't get. I've made up my own at this point though that are pretty close. Eventually, I might figure them out. If not, I'm good. It's too bad though as the workout looked like it was fun.

The best gift was some rejection-love. One arrived on Christmas Eve. The standard, Dear Writer, thing. The other arrived by e-mail and is probably the best gift I got. It was long and started, Dear Mary. Apparently, I was a hair away from getting a yes and the editor said some very lovely things about my writing. Then he pointed out what sunk me. What he said resonated as true. What he doesn't realize is that he pinpointed my weakness not in just that story, but most of them. So, now I know what I need to fix and I can quit spinning my wheels. Once I improve what needs improving, I think this career will start rolling. So, it was a good gift. And, it's nice to know my belief, that I don't totally suck, is true. In fact, my writing is so strong it almost allows overlooking my weakness. Almost. So, if I improve my weakness, I should be golden.

In that way, I can really equate my journey of becoming a published author with getting healthier. You keep going. Sometimes you lose sight as to why. You wonder whether what you're doing means anything. You try to figure out what you need to put you farther down that road. You're just not sure, but you know you need something. Then some sign pops up to encourage you and keep you going. When feeling frustrated and glum and in need, if you look, the Universe often answers. I honestly believe that if you put the effort in, the Universe always will. Keep your eyes open for those signs. They are the best gifts there are. A lightbulb flashes. Aha! Ahas are freaking fantastic. They get you closer. Keep you motivated. That's what we need. Always. More than we need another holiday. Oy!

Peace out!

Chestnuts Roasting ...

One of my favorite things about the holiday season when I lived in New York was the street vendors with the roasted chestnuts. Yum!

I hope the season is treating you kind, filled with love and joy. Are you being kind to yourself in the flurry of holiday gatherings?

I'm holding my own. I keep up with my workouts, where I am inspired to go at them with more energy because of the extra calories. It doesn't take much for me to start gaining. Not much at all. I hate that thickening sensation in my thighs. It's real motivation for me. It's not like I'm eating a ton or all the time either. I can only imagine the results if I did.

The most important thing is to keep up with the workouts and keep physically active. For me, it is. It is as essential to keeping a keen mind as much as a honed body. Physical exertion lifts the spirits, churns out more positive thoughts, making your goals seem possible. They are.

No matter how much you're struggling, take a deep breath. Tell yourself it is possible. Because it is. Be assured that even half-assed effort counts. Especially this time of year.

I've been cooking lots of vegetarian meals these past few weeks. I made a big pot of soy chorizzo chili the other night. Tonight I'm making veggie potstickers with a roasted veggie feast. I'll be making chickpea pot pies again and veggie burgers after that. We're going entirely vegetarian until Christmas Eve.

With the help of Trader Joe's and last years success at crafting parties that were indulgent, but not damaging we will make plenty of merry. Some frozen vegetarian bites with veggie pate, and veggies with lettuce leaves to make wraps and some water crackers will make Christmas Eve festive. If you click on 'recipes list' under my blog labels, you can find recipes from last year. Last December will have pics and menus from last year, too.

I will be baking my husband a Christmas pie [there's no better present I could give him really]. For me, I'm going to make those chocolate cups again. Along with the ham: currant sauce, 2x baked potatoes & cauliflower, spinach casserole [made Thanksgiving], roasted beets & carrots, roasted brussel sprouts [these are so fantastic] and herbed green beans. I can pile on the side dishes and feast without guilt if I so desire.

Will be making wild fluffy sheep's blood again - vodka, apple juice & grenadine. I will try to keep it to one drink with dinner since I can't have wine.


I probably will not be on bloggerland again until after Christmas. I've been crazy busy. Not just with the holidays. I have all these projects going - old and new - that demand my attention. I've slipped on Facebook and Tweeting, too. Trying to get the website up and going while working on something special for it for promotion and marketing. Plus trying to keep up with the writing - the novels and I've begun revising/editing the shorts in the evenings. There are a lot of balls in the air.

Most of them will settle out and more time will come back to me. Unless my project works. :) Which would be utterly fantastic.


In the meantime, let me say: no matter where you are - in bizarro health world, slightly off your routine or somewhere in the middle, don't be discouraged. I faltered a lot when I first started this journey. What set it apart from my other attempts is, I kept going back. My other goals kept me going back. I'd sit and think, what do I really want? To get what I wanted, my path was clear.

It's not easy, but it can be done. So, brush yourself off. Tell yourself it is possible to reach your dreams, because it is. You've proved it to yourself in spurts. Don't beat yourself for what were not your shining moments. Instead examine that spurt of success. What worked? Why? What didn't work? Why? What can you do different to help it work better this time?

Then pick just one place to start. Put on blinders. Don't think about the 100 other things. Concentrate on whatever it is you pick to do better. Whatever it is, make yourself this promise: the change is forever. It's not temporary. It's forever. What am I willing to do? Start there.

If you can turn just one bad habit into a better one, it's a far cry better than having no good habits at all. It is not a fast and dramatic method. It took me 2 years to shave off 100 pounds that way. But, it worked. Better yet, two years and counting, I've kept it off.

With that said, enjoy the holidays!

COMING SOON! Sinuses and Holiday Treats

I need to be slapped for combining treats and sinuses in a headline. :) Maybe it's good for us to do that though. Makes the treats seem way less yummy.

Anyway. Work is progressing on my soon-to-be website. No worries, I am maintaining this blog, too. The website is for my writing career. So, if you have a moment, I would appreciate some input on what you would want to see at the website of an author or artist, or such.

Thus far, I have the following:

*Main page - has an interative question + artwork, the latest replies to the question will be displayed. When you click on the box, it expands to where to answer. Sort of like comments on blogger. More like a forum. Questions like, who is your favorite sci-fi character?

*M. Pax page, this will have sub links to my bio and [in the future] press kits

*Contact: e-mail, sign up for newsletter/updates, link to twitter, link to Facebook, privacy statement

*News: The Scoop [newsletter/news], Appearences/events, an article updated once a month on astronomy, and article updated once a month on writing - my platform theme is beginning. So the topics will center around beginning my career, beginning writing and beginning amateur astronomy. Appropos, since I am beginning. Newsletter sign up.

*MPaxWorks: bibliography - published stories and where to buy them, awards, pages to market stories/novels, sample chapters [not yet though, sticky wicket with copyrights, etc ...] I want to do book & story trailers [like movie trailers], but have not the talent to pull such a thing off. Know anyone? Thanks - an acknowledgements page for all the people who've helped me out.

*Links

I think that's everything... I feel like I'm forgetting something though.


Here are some seasonal pics. I have a holiday outing tomorrow night, so baked today. Since it's me, the circles are gingerbread moons and/or planets to go with the brownie stars. I told you I live my life with a common theme writing/astronomy.



The tree with arrived packages unopened underneath. Yes, there are spaceships on my tree.




Holiday bouquet. Oh, that looks like the cutest Christmas card ever in the background.



An angel.



The carolers. I originally made these when I was broke in grad school for my grandmother. She passed a few years ago, so they came back to me. In a way sad, in another way it keeps her and my other grandparents close during the holidays. Reminds me of Christmases past. Good memories.

And, to top it all off, Christmas Moose. It's not a jolly holiday without Christmas Moose. Reminds me to check his batteries. Yup, he talks and sings. Fantastic, huh?






I will catch up with you all in a few hours. I have to go make dinner. Tonight is a vegetarian tamale pie. I also have to get the laundry in the dryer. I may not make it back to bloggerland until next week. Enjoy your celebrations! Oh I forgot the bit about sinuses. When they get dried out, they make you loopy. I felt like I was dying. I got some moisturizing nasal spray at Whole Foods and I'm all back to rights. It's a Christmas miracle! OK, now I think I'm done.

Chickpea Pot Pies and Yada Yada

The yada yada part is about time slipping away from me lately. It's the time of year for it and I'm pushing myself to get some work done on top of it.

The topic today is food. Yum. I treated myself to a subscription to Vegetarian Times. For some reason, I find vegetarian recipes more interesting than those revolving around meat. I already have 50 ways to make chicken. We eat red meat so rarely that I stick to one recipe. I like my fish rather plain, pan seared with lemon pepper. I think it tastes best like that.

Whole Foods had in about 20 different kinds of apples. I tried quite a few. They were all delicious - liberty, spitzenberg, Ashmead's something and there's something else down the fridge I don't know the name of. They just ran out of those kinds. Now we're back the usual pink ladies and braeburn. Booo! I really enjoyed the heirloom varieties. I'd buy a few of each kind and give them a try. There were these little yellow ones that were like eating sweetarts. Very lovely. Now I've got to wait a whole year for the next harvest. Boo!

Whole Foods also has these little squashes. They're yellow with green stripes in the ridges. They're much easier to cut up than butternut and the larger squashes. They cook up faster, too. Really delicious. We enjoyed some the other night with our lemon pepper fish and roasted green beans.

With these short days, I find my body sometimes asking me for more fat. Especially when it's cold and dreary. It's funny how differently I satisfy those requests these days. Once upon a time ... heck, it's hard to remember what I used to eat. I was never much of a sugar fiend, something laden with salt and fat probably. Now I just add a schmeer of Smart Balance Light or light butter to my breakfast sandwich. I'm good after that.

I find I've been wanting bananas a lot lately, too. I crave them at night and the morning. Odd. Sometimes I *must* cut one up into my yogurt. Must. It's a banana, so I allow it.

Been drinking a lot of tea, too. Tried African Red Bush, which is delicious, and Red Apple. Got more licorice tea, too.

Thought I'd share a recipe today, too. For chickpea pot pies. These were fabulous. I plan on making them again before Christmas. One of my plans for combatting holiday sins is packing the menu with vegetarian dishes. Almost entirely vegetarian. Of course, the holidays have roasts and hams and things like that. But, I figure it a move to counteract that, to go pretty much vegetarian through the next few weeks outside those feasts.

I modified this recipe some from Vegetarian Times. The unadulterated recipe appears in the November / December issue. I used less liquid. Therefore, I could use less flour. I didn't use the cream cheese. I used less parmesan and I used tofu noodles [to add more protein] instead of egg noodles. For the crust, you can use whatever reduced fat/calorie dough/pastry that floats your boat. They used puff pastry and I used it. I think phyllo would be good. The reduced fat biscuits and crescent rolls would be good, too, or dumplings made from reduced fat Bisquick [baking mix for you non US].

So my version:

1 small onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 package of frozen mixed veggies

1 can garbanzo beans [chickpeas], drained

2 cups or so low sodium vegetable broth

1 package of tofu noodles, the wide noodles, rinsed, drained & chopped

3/4 tsp sage

3/4 tsp marjoram

2 bay leaves

1-2 tablespoons flour

1/4 cup parmesan

1 package of puff pastry [or other as discussed above]

spray canola oil

Preheat oven to 375.

Heat a dutch oven over medium heat. Spray a light coat of oil. Cook onion until it browns. Add garlic. Cook for one minute. Add frozen vegetables, chicpeas and herbs. Let the vegetables get hot. Add noodles and then broth to cover veggie mixture. Season w/ salt & pepper - optional. Simmer for about 30 minutes. Add flour one spoonful at a time until broth thickens.

Remove from heat. Divide among individual bowls or pour all of it into a baking pan. Sprinkle with parmesan. Roll out and divide up a sheet of pastry. Place on top of veggies. Bake another 30-40 minutes [until pastry is done]. Serve.

These were really hearty and delicious. So comforting on a cold winter night that Husband never noticed there was no meat in them. They really were delicious. Can't wait to make them again.

About 350 calories per pie. Makes 4 the way I made them.

Birthdays and Revisions

Happy Birthday Karenina and Makayla!!

My gals turned 13 yesterday. I can't believe they're that old. I'm so pleased they show no signs of arthritis and still act like kittens tearing around the house like hellions. We had a kitty birthday party last night. They love those new Fancy Feast appetizer things [of course they do, because they cost more and, of course, I'll keep buying them]. After they gorged, they got new felt toys filled with catnip made by moi. There were towels fresh from the dryer and I turned the heat up while we watched some TV. [my cats like to watch TV and bask in front of the heaters] I got lots of loves and purrs. So, the party was obviously a success. Spoiled? My cats? LOL

I've been fighting ... I don't know what. The sneezing fits continue. My face started itching today, so maybe it's allergies. I took an allergy pill. I'll find out soon if my symptoms improve or don't. Whatever is going on with my sinuses, it makes me groggy and sleepy.

We're above freezing today! Hoooooo!! It's been one hella cold week. The roads are hella icy, so I try not to go very far when I have to go out. Supposed to get freezing rain and snow this weekend, but they rarely get our weather right, so who knows. December is always the worst month weather-wise in these parts. We get the most snow that sticks and the iciest road conditions. Makes any holiday plans iffy. It wholly depends on the weather.

The right shoulder is healing. It pouted a bit after strength training on Monday, even though I was only using 4 lbs. I'm thinking it was just because the strain wasn't fully healed yet. I ignored it's moaning and continued on. It didn't grumble quite as much yesterday, but the elbow is still squawking during some exercises. That's leftover rsi trouble and not the newer shoulder strain. Sometimes I get really aggravated with my arms and frustrated. There are people out there who can press 90 lbs with their arms and I'm struggling with 4. But then I tell myself to quit the bellyaching. I have arms and, for the most part as long as I'm careful, they work. It could be worse. That's what I tell myself.

Got the holiday decorations up this week. Got some cleaning done. I avoided the hella heavy vacuum though as it would most likely aggravate my arm and I'm not in the mood for a fresh round of pain. Maybe one of these days I'll begin making enough money off my writing to hire a cleaning service to do it for me. That's like my 'big' dream. LOL Maid service.

The writing keeps going. I've almost absorbed the new filters and tune ups. I'll let them get a little more settled before I keep reading and add more. There's a tipping point though. If I go too far, I feel like it sucks 'me' out of the style and sucks variation and rhythm out of the flow. So, like weight management, it's about moderation. Learning to use words for punch and using some with restraint. No matter what, it's a lot of work. In the end, I must decide what is 'improved' and what isn't. In the end, 'I' must still be in my work. I do not suck. Lots of things covered in 'improvement', I already do. That's kind of a relief, although it does not end my frustration.

Yes, more rejection-love. I took Jane Kirkpatrick's advice and got a copy of *Rotten Reviews & Rejections*. I'm in very good company. At least, no one has said anything horrid to me yet. I got another handwritten note on my form rejection. According to a published friend, it means I stood out enough ... not quite enough though. One of these days, as long as I keep working at it, that will change. I believe in myself and I believe in my stories. My other writer friends say: "At least you hear back." Hmmm. Does that mean not everyone does?

I understand this is a long road. A published friend tells me on average she gets 20 no's per short. She got 99 no's from agents. Others have gotten more. Very few get away with much less. So, I'm in good company. The lesson I take from those I've met in the field, is to just keep at it. I know I don't suck. I'm giving myself a tune-up, nonetheless, just to make sure. Once I get more credits under my belt, yeses will come more frequently ... it's getting those more credits that's the sticking point. I do have one avenue for it. I got an invite from an editor of an online e-zine. I suppose I ought to take him up on it at some point. It's a start. A start is a start. We build from there. Just like in learning to manage weight.

I did start on the third chapter of the week today, so I'm not too far off target of keeping to 3-4 chapters a week. I had my cards read several years ago. My question was: Will I ever finish writing my book? At that time, I was elbow deep and struggling with *the epic*. The answer was: yes, but I would find more success with the second. At that time, I assumed it meant the second book in *the epic* [the series that includes novel#1 and rough drafts of two more novels]. But, now I think it means the novel I'm working on right now.

Hey, up past my eyeballs in paying my dues, I'll take whatever keeps me going and keeps me believing in myself. I do believe. I do. Just like in taking the weight off, it might take more time than I'd like, but if I keep going after it in a sensible way and keep working and improving and growing, it will happen. Husband reminds me of my imatience. He says my frustration stems purely from my lack of patience. Ya know, he's wholly right about that. I have my game plan. I am focused. I am driven. I am one tenacious gal. I am focusing that like a laser wholly on this writing thing right now. It has never failed me. It won't fail me now.

Loosing the weight and keeping it off, helped hammer home all of that. If I do what I'm supposed to do and keep at it, I might not see what I want as fast as I want, but it will happen. If I believe in myself and keep steady, it will work out. The effort will pay off.

I've been at this weight thing for almost 4 years [4 years in February]. I've been in pretty much a plateau [with very slight losses] for the past 2 years. I didn't give up. Instead I learned to focus on what keeps me going and motivated. Learned to find victory in neither gaining or losing, but staying the same. There's a lot to be said for that. Still, I found balance and an anchor that keeps me where I need to be. That's exactly what I'm going to do now - cling to the anchors. I do have them. I'm not going to let go. No matter what, I'm not letting go.

Huh? Weight loss is not in a vacuum. It uses skills and tools we use in other areas of our life. We can use things we get from the 'healthy' journey in everyday life. We tend to put 'healthy' habits in a category of its own, isolated. But, it's not. There may be a lot of lumps and bumps in the game, but getting to the other side is worth it. And, there is no getting to the other side, unless you go through the lumps and bumps and risk more lumps and bumps. In the end, it's worth it. It is. It's so worth it, I'm not tempted to go back. I'm not tempted to change back. I am so thankful to have my anchors. I can extend them as I bobble through the sea of rejection-love. They help me. Keep me strong. Keep the smile on my face. Remind me of what I can do and of my power.

I am thankful to be in the rejection-love game. I will never get to the other side, if I don't keep slogging through it and paying my dues. My thicker and stronger self esteem and confidence lets me open myself up to the risk over and over and over. I would not have those in such good shape if I had not attended to myself by changing my lifestyle. It's like armor I wouldn't otherwise have. So, hella yes. It is worth it. It's all worth it. Everyday I am reminded just how worth it, it is.